So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
