i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
