I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm passing your future prison.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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