it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
