just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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