I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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