I am puke
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
