And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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