he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
