White coat. Heels.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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