He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
