Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
