Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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