The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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