Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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