Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
