ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love you. Go after that dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
