he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
