She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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