I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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