evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
