It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
