I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
