i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
