Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
