i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
