So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
