ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I will be naked everywhere
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
