I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i can't believe i had my finger in that
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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