i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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