The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
is that a dick in a sweater?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
