i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
