Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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