carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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