haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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