If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
