You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
