My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
