I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
