If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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