Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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