I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
