If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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