Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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