listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
