i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
