I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
