i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
