And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
