ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
