Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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