remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
