I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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