have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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