Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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