we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
