Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
