Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
