I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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