we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
