I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
