Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
