yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
