my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
